Super User

FAQ's of TheLemur 3 [+ Bonus FEE's!]

167 views    posted 30 Jan 2015, 03:58    
FEE's = Frequently Exclaimed Exclamations said OF TheLemur. Batteries not included. Try to keep up with the acronyms.

1. Q: Lemur, tell me, how does a little fella like you get him some tucker?

A: Well, to find something to eat, I find an upstanding little miss, daintily devouring something delicious....

Lemur: a-yo little miss...
Girl: Oh, hey Lemur!
Lemur: That looks like a righteous lunch.
Girl: Oh it is, peanut butter and jam sandwiches.
Lemur: Nice. Yummo. Did you know they put the harvested peanuts in these big bins? Yeah, well there's no way to keep the rats out, so that's why every now and then someone finds foreign matter - you know, a hair or something - in their PB.
Girl: ewww, g-rros! I've lost my appetite.
Lemur: There's starving children in Africa. Leaving that food uneaten is just sinful. Here, let me help you out...

2. Q: C'mon Lemur, post us a picture of your girlfriend.

A: I'll do you one better...a video! (That's how we met, I beat off I mean out all the competition).

3. Q: What's your pet hate?

A: Things being stuck up his bum. Ok, well actually, in just about any tv or movie where a map of the world is in the background, New Zealand is always obscured in some way or other. Bastards. A conspiracy, I warrant you.

4. Q: You are so full of yourself, you little weasel. Have you ever listened to anything anyone has ever said to you?

A: Yes, actually. ScubaLoo18.89K recommended The Abstract and the Dragon by Busta Rhymes and Q-Tip. Gave it a listen. Even recommended it to a female friend of mine. 'Just the Q-tip, just for a second, just to see how it feels', I said mellifluously.

5. Q: Could you describe yourself in verse?

A: The Lemur struts, TheLemur crows; and everywhere TheLemur goes; shy little lady lemurs step aside; blushing as they watch his stride.

6. Q: Lemur bro, did you know olderthangod615 is on yet another pot-fueled rampage?

A: We can't really blame him. He's probably seeing TheLemur in the sky with diamonds. Still, can we get one of the Canadians to lend us a bear trap or something to catch this old codger?

7. Q: Big L, you're too clever by half. You know that, right?

8. Q: Hey, you forgot to answer the last question, eh?

A: Actually, that was a rhetorical question. Now "who's too clever by half"? A Canadian by the sounds of things.

9. Q: WHAT are the Lemurized Protocols (mentioned on your profile page)?

A: A ancient code devised in 1212 A.D. by the Lemurs Templar. Also TheIlemurati could have been involved.

10. Q: Is there some mystical significance attached to that date?

A: Yes, the NALO (North Atlantic Lemur Organization) Phonetic Alphabet equates L with Lemur. L is the 12th letter of the Lemurbet. Thus, 1212 covertly communicates the phrase 'Lemur Lemur.'

11. Q: And what does 'Lemur Lemur' reference?

A: William Blake's intrepid poem, 'Lemur Lemur.'

"Lemur Lemur burning bright
among the Foosa of the night
What immortal hand or eye
dare frame thy fearful symmetry?"

12. Q: Aren't these questions a bit wanky?

A: Not as wanky as this...


[Public Service Announcement: consult AtomicTheory19.21K for advice on how to remove underwear with your shark teeth.


1. E (Exclamation): "Che Lemur omg you are beyond redemption!" - SirSeedsAlot97.16K


Response (R). Yes, I am becoming the symbolic love child derived from the respective mythologies of Che Guevara and King Julian. A confluence of Che's fixedness of purpose with King Julian's charismatic confidence renders a neo-Machiavelli with elan.

2. E: "Damned Lemur!"

R: That is actually quite a common response to TheLemur. The female version is little more nuanced, appending the phrase, 'get out of my panty draw'.

3. "Pseudo-Intellectual!"

R: The implication here is there is a "true intellectualism", an unmistakable river of truth poorly duplicated by those to stupid two recognize 'the original.' Unfortunately, the dimensions of this fabled watering hole are inherently inaccessible to ordinary mortals. The only real pseudo-intellectuals are those who think there's such an thing as non-pseudo intellectualism.

4. E: "pfffft!!!" - MainOffender936

R: TheLemur took receipt of this comment after rejecting yet another friend request according to the Lemurized Protocols.

5. E: "...well, then you can just go take a hike."

R: TheLemur loves to hike, romping through the dandelions, tip-toeing through the tulips, zazzing through the zineas.

Sayings of the Interloper Vol. 2

277 views    posted 25 Jan 2015, 07:44    
Many moons ago and to the present day, a man (a man, not a lemur) has come among the denizens of Kat. Opinions nailed to the mast, his analysis ripple with fire, the polemics echoing off the chambers of this fair site.


Successively banished for his refusal to bow the protocol of the designated order, he has appeared to the faithful in many guises -
ChrisCross218 (the first coming - ended in IP block for flaming the reds), Lionel_Richey4 , Pinky_Brain33 , Bobafett782279 , Goat_Parts37 , bill_cosby33 , Jakk_Frost16 , Barney_Frank24 , Rodney_King24 , Tim_McVeigh15 , Tronald_Dump, and Vladimar_Neo28 . Truly, an ecumenical figure.


Like any prophet, his message was lost in the storm which inevitably accompanies those of the highly independent mind. But today, bearing in mind how Mill noted it was the idiosyncratic who moved society forward, we remedy that by playing the ball, not the man.

Cleansed of their mild flaming, the substance of his comments have found merit in the eyes of the TheLemur because:

- Stylistically, he writes with energy, flair, and conviction. Each idea (whether or no you agree with it) finds itself expressed in exactly the right words
- The comments bespeak a well thought out , coherent worldview. They delve deeper than mere statements of allegiance to a particular viewpoint, positing reasons which peel back the layers of causality.
- They are CONTROVERSIAL (I know, weasel alert!), and as we've learned from the recent free speech blogs, this is the most important speech of all.

I am aware he has stepped on a few toes, but as I said before, I am determined to play the ball, not the man. I do not endorse the behaviour which gets him banned (flaming, negging, multiple accounts), but I reiterate, I think some of his views have merit.

And when accounts are cancelled on here, perfectly legitimate expressions are deleted along with them, which is unfair. Because his more disagreeable comments have annoyed some people, that is no reason to summarily reject the ones which abided by the guidelines. Imagine if a prominent philosopher was gaoled for a crime, and we then proceeded to discount - delete from history - everything he had ever written. There is no valid reason for condemning the latter because we condemned the former for something completely different.

While KAT communications are private, and therefore no inherent right to free speech exists, the moral imperative should still inform moderation on the site. VTS68.69K stated, "Just because someone disagrees with you doesn't mean it is inherently worthless, even if they HAVE resorted to personal attacks in the past." Furthermore, the whole point of free speech is rendered a simple nullity if we start shutting down, by deleting comments or otherwise, anyone who's views incense the majority.

I'll close with a great observation from 9d9wiad9i164 [note: he is not the interloper] here:

I just want to address the banning of the user Bobafett7822 after seeing his quote in here. It illustrates how this website works and its ever present hive mind, glorifying banality and child-like humor. If one ever dares to function as an individual and express himself in a way other than trying to be funny and catastrophically failing at it, while trying to make up for it by adding quadrillion of emoticons, all of his opinions and actions will be covered up by the communist regime.

This is where TheLemur stands.

So below are some of his most insightful assertions - or as he calls them, 'horse fuckings' - , along with my lemurized comments. [Note SirSeedsAlot97.16K and I worked out this means effing over people with a great big horse dick.]

His comments are in italics, mine are in blue print preceded by 'Commentary:'.

On the Morality of 'Controversial' Speech:

There's a whole lot of bad that happens as a result of "moral" people enforcing superficial standards dribbling words like "respect" in order to protect the feelings of a class of people that are incapable of understanding anything other than the fact that they want something at some particular moment, and will do whatever is expedient in order to satisfy that desire

Commentary: There's a reflexive relationship between refraining from speech because it will hurt someone's feelings, and making that a moral standard. Sometimes, the non-offensiveness come from the moral standard, other times pragmatic effort to avoid 'offence' generate this faux moral outlook.

On Those Who Suspect Asking for One's Date of Birth Is the Same as Asking How Old One Is:

Lol, REALLY? You "felt" that asking for Date of Birth was the same as asking how old you were? My GOODNESS! Well, lemme tell ya sonny, there's a WORLD of difference. In order to know how old you are, a person would have to 1st know your Date of Birth, and then 2nd, they would have to know the current data. Do you realize how unlikely it is that the same person would know both of these at the same time? THEN, they would have to subtract your Date of Birth from the current data, and let me tell you, youngster, that ain't easy. They don't have any calculator functions that will do that for you, or anything. So, they'd have to work it out either in their head or they'd have to go to an antique shop and buy a pencil and paper. HIGHLY unlikely. Most people aren't smart enough to figure-out how old you are just by knowing your date of birth and the current date anyways. It's almost like calculating the trajectory of a rocket. As Heisenberg's Principle tells us, you can know how old a person is, and you can know their date of birth, but you can't know both at the same time.

Commentary: Samuel Johnson and Jonathon Swift would be proud.

On the Duplicity of Universally Condemning Nazism While Excluding the Possibility of Universally Condemning Other Belief Systems:

Some Nazis ran gas chambers. Most did not. Some Nazis tortured, experimented on, enslaved and killed people. Most Nazis did not. Most Nazis were FORCED to be Nazis. While it may be true that at some point in their past they might have voted in favor of Nazis, once the Nazis took over EVERYONE became a fervent and loyal Nazi, or else.

Or else they didn't eat. Or worse.

Not ALL Germans were bad, but ALL Germans were Nazis. And, as soon as they had an opportunity, particularly after they discovered what some of the Nazis were doing (Concentration camps, etc...) they stop being Nazis immediately. They made it ILLEGAL to be a Nazi. They made it ILLEGAL to display the Nazi symbols.

Did you know the swastika was at one time a folk symbol for "good luck". It wasn't until the Nazis took it for their purposes that it became a symbol for evil.

On the subject of Nazis, and Nazism, the whole world is in agreement. They're bad. They're ALL bad. Every single Nazi was, and is, bad. No splitting of hairs, no long-winded explanations, no expectations of respect for history, culture, yadda, yadda, yadda.

NO ONE, in the ENTIRE PLANET, expects people to treat Nazis with "respect". NO ONE says "You should differentiate between the "bad" and "extremist" Nazis, and the "good" Nazis, the ones that just wanted a better country, wanted out of poverty, thought the Treaty of Versailles was unfair, felt discriminated against, treated badly, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

No one cares anything about all that windbaggery. Some Nazis try to pull that stuff, and they get shot down immediately, by everyone. Some Nazi might stand up and say "B-b-b-b-but the JEWS..." and everyone pulls out their AK-47 and shoots them dead, right there.

There is ZERO tolerance for Nazis on the planet. You can't use their symbols, anywhere, ever, you can't use their history in a positive manner, anywhere, ever, you can't demand respect for Nazis, anywhere, ever, NO ONE GIVES A FUCK about treating NAZIS with respect.

But we ARE expected to differentiate between the people that wake up in the morning and choose to believe in a religion and then go out and kill people, and people that wake up in the morning, choose to believe in a religion and do not kill people.

Commentary: TheLemur has always suspected the world had learned very few lessons from the advent of fascism aside from the fact 'Hitler was bad.' So fixated have we become on Nazi hatred, we have failed to realize the broader worldview behind the Third Reich's enterprises. As Churchill said, 'the fascists of the future will called anti-fascists.' Hitler's regime was all about identify politics - the nationalist mythology which informed every aspect of life in Nazi Germany. The construction of 'the other' - in his case 'international Jewry' - is vital to any identity-based political movement. These days, various groups have merely substituted 'the West', the patriarchy, 'hetronormativity', the whites as the new Jews.

Sayings of the Interloper Vol. 1

327 views    posted 24 Jan 2015, 07:30    
Many moons ago and to the present day, a man has come among the denizens of Kat. Opinions nailed to the mast, his analysis ripple with fire, the polemics echoing off the chambers of this fair site. (Really, I'm not talking about myself here).

Successively banished for his refusal to bow the protocol of the designated order, he has appeared to the faithful under many names -
ChrisCross218 (the first coming - ended in IP block for flaming the reds), Lionel_Richey4 , Pinky_Brain33 , Bobafett782279 , Goat_Parts37 , bill_cosby33 , Jakk_Frost16 , Barney_Frank24 , Rodney_King24 , Tim_McVeigh15 , Tronald_Dump, and Vladimar_Neo28 . Truly, an ecumenical figure.


But like every prophet, his message was lost in the storm which inevitably accompanies those of the highly independent mind. But today, bearing in mind how Mill noted it was the idiosyncratic who moved society forward, we remedy that by playing the ball, not the man.

Cleansed of their penchant for mild flaming, his comments have merit for the following reasons.
- Stylistically, he writes with energy, flair, and conviction. Each idea (whether or no you agree with it) finds itself expressed in exactly the right words
- The comments bespeak a well thought out , coherent worldview. They delve deeper than mere statements of allegiance to a particular viewpoint, positing reasons which peel back the layers of causality.
- They are CONTROVERSIAL (I know, weasel alert!), and as we've learned from the recent free speech blogs, this is the most important speech of all.

Below are some of his most (in my opinion), insightful and/or debatable assertions - or as he calls them, 'horse fuckings' - , along with my lemurized comments. [Note SirSeedsAlot97.16K and I worked out this means effing over people with a great big horse dick.]

His comments are in italics, mine are in normal print preceded by 'Commentary:'

On the Retarded:

I find baiting the retarded to be supremely enjoyable, and can spend hours and hours in rapt fascination with all the myriad ways that a hard-core retard can react to having their buttons pushed. Better, and cheaper than Viagra, less risky than exchanging bodily fluids and none of the psychic aftereffects of watching hard-core porn.

Commentary: Here, the interloper could well be talking about the activist, the neo-zealot of whom the lemur has warned before. A retarded person has limited mental prowess by dint of neurological degradation. The activist, or metaphorical retard, has similarly limited mental power by action of the narrative which has ensnared him. He has lost the ability to think outside his belief; thus his range of mental movement has been retarded.

The damage "muted" language does to thought. When we dumb-down the discourse to allow the retarded to participate, and then dumb-down the language again in order to avoid hurting their feelings, younger people lose an opportunity to learn from the precise use of language, and instead they "learn" how vitally important it is to not anger the retarded.

Commentary: This was in response to one of my weasel blogs, and is most astute. Weasel words are often constructed to avoid giving offence. Often the offence they shy away from is, or could be, the truth. Weasel words condition their users to opt for conciliatory speech instead of truth-seeking speech. Since weasel words thus inherently assume the rightness of non-offensiveness, the retarded's use of weasel words drags everyone down with them.

On the moral and economic decay of the West:

They call it "progress", but what it really is, is a backslide into barbarism, with the government paying trillions to hide from the people the natural consequences of their uncivilized behavior.
Someday the Chinese are going to demand their money back, the party will be over, and we [the U.S.] will collapse into a 3rd world, 3rd-rate country of greedy and retarded perverts that are willing to trade every last shred of human dignity for a new and exotic way to experience orgasm.

Commentary: An interesting social contract between governors and governed can be inferred here. In exchange for power, the establishment agrees not only to facilitate the morally and economically corrupt behaviour of the populace, but alleviate the consequences. Whether the sexual obsessions and perversions of the West is a central driver of the contract could be debated. It is a good hypothesis nonetheless.

On feminine beauty:

Tattoos on women are always ugly. They make beautiful women less so, or even ugly, and they make ugly women more noticeable.

Commentary: I think this raises two interesting points. First, can you improve upon your natural beauty? This is how the second point is raised, for the advocates of 'choice' (weasel word alert) will tell you this is a woman's right not to conform to 'hegemonic standards of beauty.' I respond, 'if you feel impelled to act out the post-modern glorification of the self-referential self's inherent 'truth', let me have my 'truth' too - that tattoos mitigate against attractiveness."

On the practitioners of psychology:

I also think a lot of these so-called "psychologists" should seriously FUCK OFF. EVERYONE knows that Psych was the easy courses, and that most of the people that went into Psyche were lazy, not as smart as "real" science-oriented people, had serious mental issues and were mostly interested in curing themselves and as many patients can tell you a lot of the "Psychological Professionals" are fucking bullshit manipulating liars that make up a bunch of shit in order to make themselves feel and look important, and they require someone more fucked up than they are to "diagnose" and "treat".
Most Psychological professionals use the patient in order to give themselves (the illusion of) a constructive role in life. Otherwise they'd barely be qualified to run the fryer at Church's Chicken.

Commentary: As a university graduate myself, I can tell you a lot (but not all) people are in psyche 101 for the reasons outlined. The final paragraph teases out an interesting perspective on the narrative. We feel an acute need to make other people subject to our views, for this assures us of the validity of our mental construct, thus allowing us to 'make sense' of the world around us (however non-nonsensical that sense may be). What more subtle way to do this than by psychology, a profession with a pedigree of elevated poppycock?

On the Discourse of Victimhood in Politics:

Some people have learned that in many situations, whoever is socially recognized as "the victim" wins. So people work real hard at trying to portray themselves as victims. The Muslims do this, constantly. One of their whack-jobs kills someone, and suddenly all these Muslims come out of the woodwork to talk about how they've been victimized in some way (while ignoring the dead bodies). Some Social Justice Warriors by into this propaganda and start railing against "Islamophobia" and other perceived, "discriminatory" attitudes. Sometimes they even try to make it into a case of racism. (Using racism as a means of achieving "Victim" status is the number 1 and most powerful way to "win" when you haven't got a credible argument. If you can make the other side "racist", you win. Stupid people fall for this all the time.)

Commentary: Our 'participatory', social welfare democracies thrive on victims. Elections are competitions to prove who was most screwed over by the Western white, middle class male. Victim based socio-political theories (basically post-modernism, Marxism, and its children - post colonialism, feminism, queer theory) are all narratives who's central purpose is to blame others for their possible, perceived, misfortunes. You will never notice Westerners accusing a non-Western author of racism for writing a book critical of the West. When the positions are reversed, an ad hominem label is always applied.

On Zealotry and Religion in Light of the Paris Shootings:

I figure, it has to be a VERY feeble religion, a weak-kneed, nervous, scared-little-virgin-on-prom-night God, or prophet, that requires just average people to get worked-up to a frenzy of rage and then start killing people in order to "defend" their religion. When you think about it, the level of defense and outrage by (in this case) muslims over whatever it is that offends them is really a statement BY THEM about how weak and insignificant their religion, God and/or prophet is/was. Strong Gods can take care of themselves. Powerful prophets do not need mass-murderers killing people in order to "avenge" them. Weak, scared, irrelevent and insignificant pissant religions need defenders. In short, every example of an outraged or insulted Muslim is actually a statement about how weak and feeble their belief system really is.

Usually, the "true believers" are ALL wrong. People who are consistently "right" (in the moral sense) approach each issue carefully and thoughtfully, with a full awareness throughout the process that they could be wrong. Zealots are ALWAYS right, and never wrong. They are absolutely certain of it, to the point that they feel qualified to kill someone over the issue. But the wrongness starts with the zealotry, and the substitution of passion for awareness.

Commentary: Yes, when you open a belief to severe criticism - even 'vilification' or 'ridicule', you soon find out which have sufficiently well-reasoned beliefs that make them feel secure, and those who's beliefs weak (generally because they've been non-critically accepted). Weak beliefs require violence to defend them, because they cannot defend themselves.

On Certain Elements Supportive of the Death Penalty:

"One of my best horse fuckings ever" - Vladimar_Neo28 , aka Tronald_Dump.

But mostly my concerns are with some of our own US citizens right here, these people that seem to really, REALLY "get off" on the idea of the Death Penalty. I mean, you can be in favor of it quietly, as if it's simply one of many different bullet-points that make you the political person that you are, i.e. "pro-life, anti-gun control, pro-death penalty, lower taxes, smaller government, strong military", etc... I'm not talking about those normal people.

I'm talking about the weirdos. The freaks, the nut-jobs, the whackos, the attention whores, the straight-up kooks that really, really LIKE the idea of the government executing someone. I get the distinct whiff of THAT stench from the OP, when it comes to his seeming LOVE of an oppressive, tyrannical, godless and uniformed country killing it's citizens. I think some people LIKE that, and it scares the hell out of me.

Me? I guess I'm "pro-death penalty" if I have to choose one or the other. I see down sides to both options, and I don't see ANY up-sides at all. On the one hand you give permission to your government to kill it's people, which as a theoretical concept I have problems with, and on the other hand you have to warehouse people that can never be set free, and that costs money, and in many cases it would be better for everyone, to include the victim's family, the State, the general society, even the convict himself would all be better off if the convict were executed. (Whether the convict wants it or not; I don't think that should count for anything.) Then there's the possibility of executing an innocent person, the idea of executing someone that might have the mental development of a child, the idea that killing someone can "right" a wrong might encourage some people to take the law into their own hands, the idea that there HAS to be some kind of clear "ultimate punishment" for certain crimes, etc... and when I add it all up I'm (weakly) in favor of the death penalty. The idea makes me sick. I don't know if I could go watch one. I don't know if I could do one myself. I don't know if I could be on a jury and sentence someone to death. But, on balance, again when I think it all through, we're better-off "with" the death penalty than we are "without".

I said ALL of that in order to establish what "normal" looks like. You can be weakly against the death penalty too, and still be normal. Maybe even STRONGLY against it. I can understand that, even if I think it's wrong.

What's disgustingly, freakishly and unforgivably weird beyond my ability to tolerate are these filthy, disgusting freaks that seem to enjoy the idea. Almost like they are GLAD that some poor person was murdered so that they can then enjoy the thrill of someone being executed in response. Tiny, little tyrant people with the Napoleonic "little man" complex, these frustrated losers spend their entire lives failing at one thing after another, and have never been able to accomplish anything, not even once, in their entire lives, and the BIGGEST THRILL that they can imagine is to drive down to Huntsville and whoop it up in some parking lot while some convicted felon gets a lethal injection or electrocuted, or whatever.

Those people truly disgust me, and they truly worry me. I worry about them more than I do the convicted death row inmate. We know who HE is, we know what HE has done, what we DON'T know is what these creepy sickos are doing crawling around our streets at night when no one is looking. Those people freak me out, big time, and I get the stink off these kind of people when I read the OP's comments about China, executions, executions in Texas, etc... It disgusts me. It's not normal. It should not be tolerated, and must be confronted by normal people. I don't want these freaky people walking around unsupervised in society. There's something wrong with someone that is whole-heartedly in favor of the Government killing a Citizen. After we lock up the murderers, I think we should start investigating these people, and put them under continuous surveillance, because I think their love of government executions is an indicator of something very, very bad, and very, very wrong inside of them, and I think it's evil, and dangerous.

Commentary: A rarely discussed point, and one rarely raised by rightwingers themselves. It's actually a good example of thinking outside your belief systems. These people discussed above do have some sort of pathology, I agree.

FAQ's of TheLemur 2

399 views    posted 12 Jan 2015, 10:30    
1. Q: ae-yo, Lemur, how the phat fish did you get that sick stack of rep-points?

A: Fighting in blogs.

2. Q: Lemur brah, you have an irrational hatred of weasels. What in ruddy hell is your issue?

A: I don't have issues; I am the issue.


3. Q: How do girls react to you, you little furbie?

A: They like to bend down and pet me. When they do so, in their real short summer skirts, to quote The Killers, I like to look up, look up, look up.


[steady on it breasts? is it a butt? two eggs? no, its johnno2311.19K pulling a muscle.]

4. Q: Oi, Big L...listen, i recently became friends with Bretts_Dr12.93K , and i have found there are some strings attached. he says "you can expect me to call constantly: to borrow money, to get rides places, to get help moving...". How do I deal with this?

A: Ok, this isn't the first time I've been asked this. What you need to do is wait for his avatar to return to Homer Simpson, which, according to my Freudian analysis, clues us in his fundamental weakness - doughnuts - is running hot. He's gotta have a fix. Go to your local bakers; buy at least a dozen. Place them in the middle of your living room, and suspend a bear cage with the bottom removed above. Wait behind the sofa. When you hear chomping, release the cage. Doh!

5. Q: You hardly ever use the animated emoticons. Why?

A: They be trippin', mon. Every night in my sleep, I see them, I feel them, that is how I know...'big grin'. Near, far, wherever I are, I believe they stalk my dreams. Once more, I close the door, for they are there farting, grinning, fuming, and shocked [giving a blow job?], and I know it will go on and on.

Yeah, ruined that one for you didn't I....

shocked shocked shocked

6. Q: Ruining a great song AND a great emoticon simultaneously! Who do you think you are?

A: My name is... (what?) My name is... (who?)
My name is... [scratches] Shady Mover
Hi! My name is... (huh?) My name is... (what?)
My name is... [scratches] Slim Lemur
Ahem... excuse me!
Can I have the attention of KAT one second?

Foosa damn!
Feels like a long time don't it?
Did you miss us?
We missed you!

Lemur Narcotics
It's the Re up!

And we're back
Myself [gunshot]
D12Theory [gunshot]
SentSarcasm [gunshot]
ObieLoo [gunshot]
ZombieQuo [gunshot]

And I would also like to introduce. . .
The two newest members of the family
One goes by the name of DawnStar13.78K [gunshot]
The other goes by the name of LadyMads17.22K [gunshot], from Springbok county

And I think it's about time we just cut the lemurshyte
Let's move it.

7. Q: What do you do to impress GIRLS?

A: I tell them I'm a Super User on KAT. It makes them wetter than monsoon season in India. [Seriously, if this is your dating strategy, KAT will be the only 'pussy' you get].

8. Q: SU? Does't that stand for Suck Up?

A: Screw you MORTal.

9. Q: Will this blog be politically correct?


10. Q: Alright "you dirty little weasel" [note: direct DawnStar13.78K quote], any tips on pleasing a woman?

A: You got to That's clitical.

11. Q: Lemur, previously we asked you about role models. Could you provide us with one devoid of anthropomorphic construction?

A: Margaret Effing Thatcher. Also her handbag.

12. Q: How DARE you!

A: Woah, woah, woah. Where did that come from? Hold the titty-fudging horse Viagra! That's not a question, except in the Australian accent. In which case they would say, 'that's not a question, THIS is a question?' [STFU BexMan5067 ]

Now, I'm going to address Frequently Exclaimed Exclamations at a later date, but for now let's say 'how dare you' could apply to at least 2 dozen 'lemur incidents' in the last 24 hours alone. Including me asking LadyMads17.22K if I could 'verify' purely out of 'scientific curiosity' whether her ass was lily-white as claimed (yay for empiricism). So at least have the courtesy of being specific.

13. Q: I'm superstitious. Will there be another question after this one?

A: Yes, but you have to walk under a ladder to get to it.


14. Q: YOU declined my friend request. Y u such dick?

A: Persistent practice produces perfect performance. Nah, kidding. Natural talent.

15. Lemur, sometimes I'm torn between asking you whether you were dropped on you head, if you swallowed one or more dictionaries, or both. What's the story there?

A: Actually, my mother inadvertently swallowed a dictionary while she was pregnant with me. Then after I was born, she dropped me. That's the lugubrious but incontrovertible truth.

16. Why are your blogs soooo long?

A: Shhh, shhhhhhh. You just enjoy the pretty lights. That's probably 2 hours entertainment for you...[offended? see answer to Q14.]


17. Q: Will there be a punch up in the comments?

A: I predict a category 5 shindig. Recently I read an article on how to naturally increase testosterone levels via dominant behavior. I'm spoiling for a fight. One wrong comment, and all bets are off okey dokey dirty players?

18. Q: In your expert spank-my-ass-and-call-me-Susie opinion, who's the hottest girl on KAT?

A: Hoooo mama! Ok, bring it in guys, you must remember that time with that smoking hot chick who....oh...sorry folks, gotta go. Impromptu rave party.

P.S. Ever heard that story about the lady or the tiger? A guy is put into a arena and must choose behind which of two doors his true love lies. Wrong choice = tiger. Well, tonight two Mormons unwittingly played that game with me. Except there was no lady, and the tiger was a mother flippin lemur. Can you imagine what I did to those poor bastards? "So how do you know you're right?", I say. "Well", they quoth, "Jospeh Smith said...", "Oh yeah and why is he right?" "Well when I read the Book of Mormon I knew I had the truth." "But the J-dubs and Catholics think they have the truth too. "Well obviously everyone thinks they're right." "So why do you think that is?" "Because the devil has..." "Right, but if we are separated from our Creator, cut off from the locus of the universe, how do you think your frail, limited human mind can correctly define truth?" "How can yours?" "While there may be an ultimate truth, I don't profess to know its every aspect and conception. Would you not agree with our human limitations, or are you as God? "Yes, we are limited." "So why has your church dogma remained in stasis for X number of years? If you were really believed in your limitations, why have you not discovered new truth?" "Our profits come up with new information all the time!" "Ah, but I was not referring to the substance of the information but the the legitimating concept of that continuing revelation from God. Because that idea has remained constant. My beliefs have fundamentally evolved in my Christian walk because I acknowledge all truth is provisional, so I have to ask you, why haven't yours? How can I conclude your evangelizing is anything but a dogmatic and obdurate promulgating of 'certainty' despite the fact all metaphysical beliefs are relatively uncertain?" "Gulp, we really have to get going."

So yeah, I've got some of the rrrrrrrr I mentioned in 17 out my system. Isn't that good news? You lucky guys and gals can keep your orifices constant at 8 and 9 respectively. (Translation: TheLemur will refrain from tearing you a new one).

Let me finish by asking you guys a question. How do you guys deal with the "door knockers?" My friend Rosie (not her real name) used to take her top off and open the door in a revealing bra. Knocked the brothers right off their (hardening) wicket

See also: FAQs of TheLemur 1

Lemurized Quotes

325 views    posted 11 Jan 2015, 10:20    
Let me forestall accusations of 'copy and paste' by admitting up front this is a copy and paste blog. Technically. However, it took years to amass the quotes below, as I weighed the value of each against all the other (excellent) competing sayings.

In many ways, these will give you an insight into the mind of TheLemur than the most revealing bio-blog (beware - merely trying to empathize with my thoughts is madness!) . I am more of a fan of revealing bio-blogs from the kat ladies anyway, particularly if there are pictures.

Each quote, in the opinion of TheLemur, fundamentally alters the frame though which we view something, exudes a remarkable insight into a specific problem, or has a charming aesthetic or humorous quality.

Feel free to add your own favourties in the comments. I've already been though Sky-Bully9303 's favourite quotations thread. I extracted a few from there. The most recent addition comes from everyone favourite, not the Flying Dutchman...the Sarcastic One.

Plato — 'Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed, by the masses.'

Politics, Culture, and Society

‘Democalypse’ – John Stewart

‘Automatic rejection of proposed reforms is based on one or two unconscious assumptions: (i) that the status quo is perfect; or (ii) that the choice we face is between reform and no action; if the proposed reform is imperfect, we presumably should take no action at all, while we wait for a perfect proposal…[yet] the status quo is action [too]’ – Garret Hardin.

The fascists of the future will be called anti-fascists " - Winston Churchill
‘What is freedom of expression? Without the freedom to offend, it ceases to exist’ - Salman Rushdie

‘The individual benefits as an individual from his ability to deny the truth even though society as a whole, of which he is a part, suffers.’ – Garrett Hardin, The Tragedy of the Commons

'Those who are able to see beyond the shadows and lies of their culture will never be understood, let alone believed, by the masses.' – Plato

The media had fooled some, but not all, and the world hasn't really changed as much as you might think. It sounds like it has, because those with agendas to push always chase down soapboxes to harp from. ..But the ordinary folk - people out on the streets - a lot of them never bought it quite as thoroughly as those disillusioned souls writing books and appearing on talk shows did, trying desperately to write and talk and shame the world into being the way they want and need it to be to validate their choices. – Chase Amante

'We have one big [United States] government party. It has a democratic wing that likes war and taxes and individual welfare and a Republican wing that likes war and deficits and corporate welfare.' - Judge Andrew ‘Napolitano

An outgrowth of the drive to eliminate discrimination, political correctness is an overt attempt to create an environment where any stimulus indicating potential conflict and competition, is eliminated. This is done by forcing all individuals to assiduously avoid any form of personal interaction which could be construed as offensive, and which might therefore provoke conflict.’ – Unidentified

If no one says anything which could possibly be considered offensive, and no individual acknowledges any competition between any groups, then there will be no aggressive stimuli that could provoke conflict. As liberals become accustomed to this hyper-pacifistic environment, any violation of this unwritten behavioral rule will be perceived as an exceedingly unpleasant behavioral faux pas. – Unidentified

‘Happy 4th fiscal quarter’ – Annon

‘When you vote, you are exercising political authority, you're using force. And force my friends is violence, the supreme authority from which all other authorities are derived’. - Starship Troopers

‘Signs and symbols rule the world, not words nor laws.’ – Confucius

‘The IBBC is a bank. Their objective isn't to control the conflict, it's to control the debt that the conflict produces. You see, the real value of a conflict, the true value, is in the debt that it creates. You control the debt, you control everything. You find this upsetting, yes? But this is the very essence of the banking industry, to make us all, whether we be nations or individuals, slaves to debt.’ - The International

‘You do not receive freedom, you take it.’ – Anonymous

‘God, our Heavenly Father, hear our prayer. We acknowledge our shortcomings and ask thy help in being better soldiers for thee. Grant us, O Lord, those things we need to do thy work more effectively. Give us this day a gun that will fire ten thousand rounds a second, a napalm that will burn for a week. Help us to bring death and destruction wherever we go, for we do it in thy name and therefore it is meet and just. We thank thee for this war, fully mindful that, while it is not the best of wars, it is better than no war at all. We remember that Christ said “I came not to send peace, but a sword”, and we pledge ourselves in all our works to be like Him. Forget not the least of thy children as they hide from us in the jungles; bring them under our merciful hand that we may end their suffering. In all things, O God, assist us, for we do our noble work in the knowledge that only with thy help can we avoid the catastrophe of peace that threatens us ever. All of which we ask in the name of they son, George Patton. Amen’. – Major Gordon Livingston, 1969, Vietnam, regimental prayer.

‘Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.’ – Annon

They call it "progress", but what it really is, is a backslide into barbarism, with the government paying trillions to hide from the people the natural consequences of their uncivilized behavior. Someday the Chinese are going to demand their money back, the party will be over, and we will collapse into a 3rd world, 3rd-rate country of greedy and retarded perverts that are willing to trade every last shred of human dignity for a new and exotic way to experience orgasm. - Bobafett7822

Personal Wisdom

‘Opportunities multiply as they are seized.’ – Person of Interest

‘I believe one thing. I believe we should always say “I love you” to the people we love’. – Mr Nobody

‘No good has ever come from feeling guilty, neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves, and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties.’ – Paul Goodman

‘He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.’ – Proverbs 16:32

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. –Robert Frost

Parable of the Cautious Man: There was a very cautious man, who never laughed or cried. He never risked, he never lost, he never won nor tried. And when he one day passed away, his insurance was denied, For since he never really lived, they claimed he never died.

You may delay, but time will not." - Benjamin Franklin

Why be unhappy about something If it can be remedied? And what is the use of being unhappy about something If it cannot be remedied? - Shantideva, A guide to the Boddhisattva's Way of Life

You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher Columbus

The truth is considered hatred by those who hate the truth. – Unidentified

There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." -Oscar Levant

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible." - T. E. Lawrence

"When thought becomes excessively painful, action is the finest remedy." - Salman Rushdie

We must know how to distinguish and separate our selves from our public charges: every one of us playeth two parts, two persons; the one strange and apparent, the other proper and essential. - Charron

Boys flying kites can haul in their white winged birds
You can’t do that when you’re flying words
Thoughts unexpressed may fall back dead
But God himself can’t kill them once they’re said - Will Carleton'

General Observations

"A kiss is a lovely trick, designed by nature, to stop words when speech becomes superfluous." -Ingrid Bergmen

"I ask the fundamental question of rationality: Why do you believe what you believe? What do you think you know and how do you think you know it? – Harry Potter

In the land of truth, my friend, the man with one fact is king – In the Loop

It is a fool who looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart." -Ulysses Everett McGill

Each of us is born with a box of matches inside us but we can't strike them all by ourselves" - Laura Esquivel

One cannot weep for the entire world, it is beyond human strength. One must choose. - Jean Anouilh

"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit." Aristotle

Every one interprets everything in terms of his own experience. If you say anything which does not touch a precisely similar spot in another man’s brain, he either misunderstands you, or doesn’t understand you at all.” ~Aleister Crowley

I call a lie: wanting not to see something one does see, wanting not to see something as one sees it... The most common lie is the lie one tells to oneself; lying to others is relatively the exception."
~ Friedrich Nietzsche,

'Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.'- Ziad K. Abdelnour

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everyone else, And we are all part of the same compost pile. " ~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club movie '99

We are captives of our own identities, living in prisons of our own creations." - Robert Knepper as Theodore 'T-Bag' Bagwell

The fact that God is speaking through you means that YOUR argument falls down every time. To those self-appointed prophets of God, my response is always "What happens when God's prophet is a retard?" I've actually asked this question of real, professional pastors and they are unable to answer it because they refuse to see themselves as the flaw in the glass, and not the glass itself. Most retards are incapable of appreciating anything other than themselves, and most of the the time when a retard references "god" what they are really talking about is themselves. - Bobafett7822

But in all my experience, I have never been in any accident… of any sort worth speaking about. I have seen but one vessel in distress in all my years at sea. I never saw a wreck and never have been wrecked nor was I ever in any predicament that threatened to end in disaster of any sort. - E. J. Smith, 1907, Captain, RMS Titanic

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. – Mark Twain

‘The beauty of a move lies not in its appearance, but the thought behind it’ – Continuum.

You cannot fear failure, because in doing so, you invite failure’ – Continuum

‘There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than dreamt of in your philosophy’ - Shakespeare

“When ideas go unexamined and unchallenged for a long time, certain things happen. They become mythological, and they become very, very powerful." - E L Doctorow

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything. - Friedrich Nietzsche

‘You sharpen the human appetite to the point where it can split atoms with its desire; you build egos the size of cathedrals; fibre-optically connect the world to every eager impulse; grease even the dullest dreams with these dollar-green, gold-plated fantasies, until every human becomes an aspiring emperor, becomes his own God... and where can you go from there?’ - The Devil's Advocate.

We see what we need to see in people. Things that aren’t really there. – The Americans.

‘You didn’t go to high school?’ ‘No, I was busy’ – The Mentalist

"Sentimentality is being emotional for the sake of it. We're bombarded with sentiment, people emoting. That's the Let Down. Feeling every emotion is fake. Or rather every emotion is on the same plane whether it's a car advert or a pop song." - Thom Yorke (Radiohead)

‘A million mile fall from grace, thank God we missed the ground’ – Live, ‘Run to the Water’

‘This plastic little place is just a step amongst the stairs, and I am overcome’ – Overcome (Song)

‘Sometimes the flowers arrange themselves’ – Robert California, The Office
‘I am not to be truffled with’ – Michael Scott, The Office

“The dogs bark, but the caravan moves on.” — Arab proverb

You need to remember is that there's what people want to hear, there's what people want to believe, there's everything else, THEN there's the truth!’ - The International

‘At present, all copyright is doing is attempting to maintain artificial scarcity of imaginary property in an environment where it cannot exist in an attempt to support an outmoded business model.’ – Annon

‘If you don’t have to pay for a product, you are the product being sold’. - Annon
‘This church of mine may not be recognised by steeple/ That doesn't mean that I will walk without a God.’ – Brandon Flowers

‘Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication’ – Leonardo da Vinci

Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.’ – The Big Lebowski

I have complete faith in the continued absurdity of whatever's going on – Jon Stewart

Dramatic Phrasings

‘I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in rain... Time to die.’ – Bladerunner

The lamps are going out all over Europe, we shall not see them lit again in our lifetime - Sir Edward Grey

Angry Bob: [on radio] This is Angry Bob, the man with the industrial dick, coming to you loud and clear on W.A.R. Radio with the good news and the bad news. Bad news is the heatwave's not going to let up. It's expected to hit ninety downtown before nightfall, although weather control keeps promising that rain is on the way. The foul up on the launch pad at terminal eight doesn't look like it's gonna clear for another half hour and holiday air traffic is still stacking up over the CBD and all outlying districts. But traffic control promises that if you all keep cool they'll get you home in time for Christmas. As for the good news - There is no fucking good news! So let's just play some music! – Hardware

“The muffled tongue of Big Ben tolled nine by the clock as the cortege left the palace, but on history's clock it was sunset, and the sun of the old world was setting in a dying blaze of splendor never to be seen again.” – The Guns of August

‘Twenty-eight days, six hours, 42 minutes, 12 seconds. That is when the world will end.’ – Frank Bunny, Donnie Darko.

‘There’s a blaze of light in every word’ – Halleluiah (song)

‘Never compromise, not even in the face of Armageddon’ – Rawshack, the Watchmen.


‘I’m sure this whole democracy things is just a fad’ – Maurice, Madagascar II

‘Hey Gramps, can we please see your ultra rare chocolaty-fudged coated sugar sprinkled angelic-magical fantastical stupendously special illegally-sexual genuinely brilliantly amazingly god-damn-spank-my-ass-and call-me-Suzie mega ultra super card?’ – Yu-gi-Oh, the Abridged Series

‘I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I am all out of bubble gum.’ – They Live

‘To save on electricity, I’ve installed a timer and motion sensors on the lights. It’s part of my green initiative. And by green, I mean money.’ – Dwight Schrute, The Office

Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig .

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress... But I repeat myself." ~ Mark Twain

Does anal-retentive have a hyphen?

Do you think Adam said to Eve, “Back up, I don't know how big this gets” – Robin Williams

‘Never go full retard’ – tropic thunder

‘We need more power’. (Skipper) ‘Time to fire up Kowalski’s nuclear reactor’. ‘That’s a nuclear reactor?’ ‘Nuclear’! – Madagascar 3

‘Ok Marty, we lost her. Maybe you can slow down now’. ‘I can’t. There’s no breaks.’ (Skipper) No breaks, well way to commit soldier.’ - Madagascar 3

‘So where’s your band? ‘ They’ve switched from Christian to Pop. All you do is change Jesus to baby’. – The Simpsons

Quotations by Taleb (my favourite philosopher)

Academia is to knowledge what prostitution is to love; close enough on the surface but, to the nonsucker, not exactly the same thing.

Education makes the wise slightly wiser, but it makes the fool vastly more dangerous.

Independence is person-specific: I have always been taken aback at the high number of people in whom an astonishingly high income led to additional sycophancy as they became more dependent on their clients and employers and more addicted to making even more money.

Work destroys your soul by stealthily invading your brain during the hours not officially spent working; be selective about professions.

Using, as an excuse, others’ failure of common sense is in itself a failure of common sense.

Don’t talk about “progress” in terms of longevity, safety, or comfort before comparing zoo animals to those in the wilderness.

If you know, in the morning, what your day looks like with any precision, you are a little bit dead—the more precision, the more dead you are.

Procrastination is the soul rebelling against entrapment.

The best revenge on a liar is to convince him that you believe what he said

Never say no twice if you mean it.

Your reputation is harmed the most by what you say to defend it.

Most of what they call humility is successfully disguised arrogance.

It is the appearance of inconsistency, and not its absence, that makes people attractive.

People reserve standard compliments for those who do not threaten their pride; the others they often praise by calling “arrogant.”

Modernity: we created youth without heroism, age without wisdom, and life without grandeur.

People focus on role models; it is more effective to find antimodels—people you don’t want to resemble when you grow up.

Charm is the ability to insult people without offending them; nerdiness the reverse.

They are born, then put in a box; they go home to live in a box; they study by ticking boxes; they go to what is called “work” in a box, where they sit in their cubicle box; they drive to the grocery store in a box to buy food in a box; they go to the gym in a box to sit in a box; they talk about thinking “outside the box”; and when they die they are put in a box. All boxes, Euclidian, geometrically smooth boxes.

In most debates, people seem to be trying to convince one another; but all they can hope for is new arguments to convince themselves.

There are two types of people: those who try to win and those who try to win arguments. They are never the same.

I wonder if a lion (or a cannibal) would pay a high premium for free-range humans.
Men destroy each other during war; themselves during peacetime.

We are hunters; we are only truly alive in those moments when we improvise; no schedule, just small surprises and stimuli from the environment.

Technology is at its best when it is invisible.

You need to keep reminding yourself of the obvious: charm lies in the unsaid, the unwritten, and the undisplayed. It takes mastery to control silence.

The fool generalizes the particular; the nerd particularizes the general; some do both; and the wise does neither.

Medieval man was a cog in a wheel he did not understand; modern man is a cog in a complicated system he thinks he understands.

Wit seduces by signaling intelligence without nerdiness.

True humility is when you can surprise yourself more than others; the rest is either shyness or good marketing.

You can only convince people who think they can benefit from being convinced.
Weak men act to satisfy their needs, stronger men their duties.

Games were created to give nonheroes the illusion of winning. In real life, you don’t know who really won or lost (except too late), but you can tell who is heroic and who is not.

I suspect that IQ, SAT, and school grades are tests designed by nerds so they can get high scores in order to call each other intelligent.

They think that intelligence is about noticing things that are relevant (detecting patterns); in a complex world, intelligence consists in ignoring things that are irrelevant (avoiding false patterns).

To become a philosopher, start by walking very slowly.

A mathematician starts with a problem and creates a solution; a consultant starts by offering a “solution” and creates a problem.

The only definition of an alpha male: if you try to be an alpha male, you will never be one.

The weak shows his strength and hides his weaknesses; the magnificent exhibits his weaknesses like ornaments.

Social science means inventing a certain brand of human we can understand

The classical man’s worst fear was inglorious death; the modern man’s worst fear is just death.

You know you have influence when people start noticing your absence more than the presence of others.

Some reticent people use silence to conceal their intelligence; but most do so to hide the lack of it.

When a woman says about a man that he is intelligent, she often means handsome; when a man says about a woman that she is dumb, he always means attractive.

The Internet broke the private-public wall; impulsive and inelegant utterances that used to be kept private are now available for literal interpretation.

At any stage, humans can thirst for money, knowledge, or love; sometimes for two, never for three.

Funny thing is, despite the wealth of insight above, when this appears on the same page, it's not even a competition for my mental attention


Idiosyncratic Expressions

227 views    posted 10 Jan 2015, 05:21    
What up KAT shaggers, this blog was motivated by a combination of johnno2311.19K and Busta Rhymes.

johnno was talking about what a scintillating words bollocks was. At the time I was listening to Busta Rhymes new song 'Calm Down' where he uses the phrase 'What the fat fish'.

I've always thought your speech is far more interesting when garnished with a few idiosyncratic or original words and phrases, rather than just the standard issue swear words.

TheLemur has been collecting a number of these of late, most recently 'phat fish', which you may have noticed me using to death in my most recent comments.

I will list my collection below. You can use them as examples to contribute your own if you like.

Cool British Words/Phrases

Is it an accident they have so many words about masturbation?

-the dogs bollocks
-highly effective tosspot
-jack the lad (a real HE man)
-wankermaster general
- ponse
- old son [as in, good to see you again old son]
- Stirling effort
-you slay me [as in 'you amuse me'
- don't get your knickers in a knot
- blow your knickers off [my car stereo is loud enough to...]
-blow your tits off
- shag
- shagegellic
- bash, bashing, the bishop [Selena Gomez make me want to...]
- poppycock
-jafa [Just another F*****g Aucklander - NZ use only]


- 100% tits and ambition [wish i knew that phrase when the feminism blogs were on]
- [that really] burns my toast
- hell for leather [that cop was going hell for leather]
- chillin like a villain
- Sweet FA [I've done sweet fuck all]
- special snowflake [you're not a...]
- righteous [sick, sweet, awesome]
- wicked way [have my...with you]
- cupcake [listen to me...]
-dirty players [alright, how about a game of strip poker....]
-sort my onions [she really...]
-jiminy Christmas!
- keen as a bean [i've never thought of beans as a particularly keen, except for one special one the stimulation of which can elicit anguished renditions of your name from your lady]
-chur bro [kiwi for 'Cheers, brother, which in turns means 'nice one'>
- poof [Aussie and NZ for gay]
-McShag [let's have a....(instead of a 'quickie')]

Extended Phrases

-I've got a universe to master
-as unpredictable as a werewolf on malaria pills.
-i don't speak ponsanese
- about as successful as a dog flying a helicopter - badly, and not for long.
-all that and a bag of chips [she is...]
- congrats, you just won the giant stuffed pander.
-plummeted faster than a fat cow off the side of a barn roof. Moo [the stocks...]
- enough angst to power a hatemobile for something like 30 miles
- threw their toys out the cot
- what's your drama, mama?
- rifling through your lingerie draw [internal affairs will soon be...]
- been plotting the downfall of a minor European country. ['What have you been up to? 'Oh, just plotting the...' - identifying that country as France is often quite funny, but I wouldn't do that at the present time]
- bet my lucky marbles
-“I like the bit where you…” thanks ScubaLoo18.89K
-mmmm, mmm, dem be some delicious cookies [for use whenever you walk into a kitchen where anything is cooking]
-what the phat fish?
- why should not touch this [X]? Because its mine.

Deflections to Incoming Aggressive Narratives
• Do i look like a mug? Do i have a handle?
• Someone needs a happy meal
• I’m devastated
• Well, that’s just like, you know, your opinion, man
• That’s charming, that is.
• Oooh, I say
• Slow down. You need to…
• Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah…
• ‘Excuse me’, ‘You’re excused.’
• ‘Do you mind’, ‘No’
• You’re just a poor misguided fool who thinks they know what I should do…
• I’ll take a rain check on that…
- you can't do that! Watch me...


301 views    posted 07 Jan 2015, 10:27    
This is my second attempt at songwriting. pity i can't write melodies like i can words.


In my sleep I found it
Found the glow that lights our path
Took the meteor to bits with my bare hands
Strew my dreams through the aftermath

Yeah they don't know what I want to know
They don't know where I wanna go
down the river in my mind, down the the river in my mind
I'll flow, I'll flow, through grains of time

I stretched out my heart
Touched the cheek of the girl next door
Her candle light eyes lit up my face
But I let the fire fall apart

If you want to see me
Before the man comes around
See the shooting stars in the north
Then turn the other way round

Yeah they don't know what I want to know
They don't know where I wanna go
down the river in my mind, down the the river in my mind
I'll flow, I'll flow, through grains of time

Embers scattered in the snow
Red white red white red white glow
Melting heat melting flakes
ceaseless fusion, silent sound

Yeah they don't know what I want to know
They don't know where I wanna go
down the river in my mind, down the the river in my mind
I'll flow, I'll flow, through grains of time


Whats That Coming Over the Hill...Is It a Weasel?

477 views    posted 05 Jan 2015, 08:48    
The English language is under assault by the weasel word. Never fear. TheLemur is here to root them out, three by three; kicking, screaming, and sniveling into the linguistic limelight. He's going to show you how to do it too.

For a review of progress to date, see the following:
Lemur's Hate Words
TheLemur Declares 'Open Season' on Weasels
We're Off on a Weasel Hunt


What Is a Weasel Word?

A weasel word occurs when, in the context and syntax of the surrounding speech, the author invests an ordinary word with an equivocated (confused, ambiguous) meaning. On the surface, however, the word will give the impression something meaningful has been said.

Imagine tuning your stereo exactly to the frequency of your favouite station. That's the equivalent of using normal, strong, specific words to say what you mean, and mean what you say. Now suppose you adjust your dial so the tuning begins to pick up static, or mixes the station with another. Suddenly, as you are about to readjust to your original setting, the announcer insists you are on the right frequency. But the signal is confused. Confusion inhibits meaning in an inverse ratio. The more ambiguous a word, the less meaning it conveys.

The Dangerous Meaning of Meaningless Words

If you were to take jack hammer to your local memorial or similar civic monument, the authorities would impose a penalty. You damaged public property, and thus inflicted harm upon society. But why does the vandalism count as harm? True, there was physical destruction involved. More than this, though, you committed an intangible harm. The symbol's meaning was corrupted, and the signal reduced or blocked. Originally, it stood for remembering fallen heroes. Now, among the chipped masonry and defaced plaques, new meanings have crept. 'Who cares?' The transmission of the crime itself - any number of messages. Even if no new messages are present, the clarity of the old message has declined. Something important to society was lost - a symbols ability to transfer a meaning.

And guess what? Just like the monument, words symbolize (represent) meaning. Our 'new speak' civil discourse plunders the meaning of language, reducing it to anesthetic noise which you cannot countenance without losing a piece of your consciousness.

The inquiry may allow for relevant businesses or industries to be identified and for investigation into the possibility that certain regional or rural areas of the state would be more affected than others.

Don Watson states: "You read [it], and read it again, and still your brain will not reveal the meaning - will not even try. You are getting sleepy. Read aloud, in a speech for instance, an audience hears the words as they might hear a plane passing overhead or a television in another room...

This language is not capable of serious deliberation. It could no more carry a complex argument than it could describe the sound of a nightingale. Listen to it in the political and corporate landscape and you hear noises our recent ancestors might have taken for Gaelic or Swahili. Even some of those who write and speak it will tell you they don't quite know what it means. Then again, they do not exactly speak or write it as implement it."

Sir Karl Popper argued freedom was contingent upon the free exchange of rational ideas. The transmission of reason (or more specifically, critical rationalism) underpinned the Open Society. Words were the currency of the 'common language of rationality.' To protect freedom, you must have an open society. To protect the open society, you must have reason. To protect and transmit reason, you must have words. And to protect words, you must maintain their symbolic clarity.

A word is a little thing but a powerful force.

Your freedom does not lie in the goodwill of the elite, or a starched document of yore. Freedom, or lack thereof, is in your mouth.

The limits of my language mean the limits of my world
- Wittgenstein

You have freedom because you can conceptualize it. You can conceptualize it, at least for now, because there are a sufficient number of sufficiently clear linguistic symbols.

Don't you see that the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought?
- George Orwell, 1984

Weasel words lurk in every sector of society. The business world teems with them, as does the military, media, real estate agents, and, to a lesser extent, academia. Most of us have become intuitively adept at picking out the buzzwords of business. Companies claim they will 'value add' our 'customer experience', and set 'strategic goals' to 'deliver' a 'world class' product.

The politician and the journalist are much slier purveyors of the weasel word. They are considerably harder to detect. For these reasons, I shall mainly concentrate on non-business related weazelizing.

Gotta Know Your Enemy: How to Spot a Weasel Word

1. The word has become so popular its meaning has become too general to convey specific meanings, yet it is still tasked with conveying detail.

2. The context requires a more specific word; a weaker or vaguer one is used instead.

3. Corruption of the Submodalities. This one is really subtle. Most words have a concrete and connotative definition. For example, the concrete (dictionary) definition of 'sunscreen' is 'a formula designed to protect the skin from harmful light from the sun.' Conterminously, we may associate good times at the beach, holidays, togs, boats - any number of things - with 'sunscreen'. This is the connotative definition of the word. When a weasel eats a word, he invests the connotative element with an agenda, while leaving the concrete (surface) meaning untouched. The word mutates into a politicized propaganda tool. The malicious code in the subtext (connotation) piggybacks on the formal definition, sliding past our mental defenses which only consciously identify surface meaning.

Natural concrete and connotative definitions are equivalent but parallel. The weasel (curse him) desynchronizes them, creating a confused and thus equivocated meaning.

Lemurizing Weaselized Words

Social Justice

Rather than a concentrating on a politician's personal morality, we should examine his wider moral commitment to SOCIAL JUSTICE

All but the most ruthlessly power hungry, amoral people (hello there!) believe society should be justly ordered. Indeed, people who lived in societies now almost universally acknowledged to be 'unjust', such as feudalism, probably thought the 'divine right of kings' and control of property by a tiny ruling elite, 'just.'

Here lies our first clue to the weazelized nature of the phrase 'social justice.' If historical peoples believed they had achieved 'social justice' so fervently (what could be more right than a 'God inspired' hierarchy?), why should we be so convinced by the fact we are convinced our conception of social justice is correct? Indeed, no universal consensus on 'social justice' exists today in any open society, and nor should it.

You see, there are three main forms of justice - corrective (i.e., the criminal justice system), procedural (due process), and distributive.

Distributive justice is the term used by academics for 'social justice', and describes "the distribution of wealth, opportunities, and privileges within a society." Now the sheeple struggle with four syllable words, so for them the media substitutes SOCIAL. Social has a lovely ring to it, and is a buzz word in its own right. It connotes a warm, fuzzy brutha lovin' body politic, with everybody engaged in a game of 'toe respect.' In other words, 'toe' the line of ACCEPTABLE behaviour, defined as avoidance of other's nether digits at all costs (including your own individuality).

Notice the definition of distributive justice is precisely neutral. It describes a category of thought, not the substance of what that category of thought 'should be.' Adam Smith proposed a conception of 'social justice.' So did Marx, Rawls, Locke, and Hobbes - anyone who wrote any significant works on justice provided a comprehensive description of its distributive aspect.

So, if the writer in the quote above deployed the phrase 'social justice' honestly, the sentence would merely be a statement of the obvious, like 'a good politician is political.' Instead, the context and subtext impute a substantive definition to a phrase only capable of conveying a neutral one. Because we all know the SOCIAL JUSTICE referred to is a rather a specific viewpoint within the framework of distributive justice thinking - namely, concerted social democracy.

Usually only the connotative definition of a word is altered by the weasel. In this case, the phrase as become to bastardized the concrete definition has changed against the logic of the open society (ideological uncertainty).


Dialogue, Meaningful

Government and indigenous rights ACTIVISTS should engage in MEANINGFUL dialogue which will EMPOWER the indigenous COMMUNITY.

So devalued has our language become with weasel words, we now require more weasel word to perform the role of half-arsed intensifiers. MEANINGFUL is one of them - a meta weasel word. Like interest in the bank, weasel words generate new weasel words. Perhaps a better analogy would be a cancer.

It should be pretty obvious by now 'dialogue' is a weasel word too, a politically correct attempt to pass off any ape-shit antics as 'communication'. The corporate board could spend their entire meeting screaming at each other in kling-on, and the monthly propaganda leaflet would describe it as DIALOGUE. Points 1 and 2 from above apply here. Dialogue is a weasel word because it's become so vague with deceitful overuse, and more specific words should often be applied anyway. Nowadays, saying "we had some uhhhhhhh" probably conveys more meaning than insisting 'dialogue' took place. And if you think 'uhhhh' could be misconstrued as 'knocking boots', well let me tell you...board members have been known to "DIALOGUE" with their secretaries.

So in order to convey a sense of deliberative, calm conversation, the MEANINGFUL label must be applied. So common is this habit, I shan't be surprised when, in an ultimate twist of irony, 'MEANINGFUL' is no longer a 'MEANINGFUL' word. Then we'll have to use three words instead of one.

I had an EXTREMELY MEANINGFUL DIALOGUE with Stella today, the new platinum blonde secretary hired for her superlative business expertise.

All we have to do to stop this domino effect of extant weasel words knocking the meaning out of other words in their possible immediate contextual vicinity is purge the old ones who started the rot - dialogue in this instance.


[W]e are also an inexorably PROGRESSIVE we MOVE TOWARD a more enlightened societal norm, the sea change has been evident in this regard [the 'anti-progressive' idea the writer is writer is challenging]. Whether you [the perpetrator of said idea] see it or are being willfully obtuse to inflame a debate, I do not know - but I wholeheartedly reject what you are offering here.

Humanity is inexorably PROGRESSIVE. No matter how hard the tide may swim against it - we have shown, steadily and with much PROGRESS, that we are getting more tolerant, aware, accepting, and compassionate toward all sorts of differences. It will continue forward and despite what you think, it is not some passing fad in season.


I will never deal with a more dangerous, deceitful, or powerful weasel word than PROGRESSIVE..

TheLemur spurns the 'progress' weasel, and the ideology which manipulated the word into that state, with every fiber of his being. In the name of this word, Nazi Germany systematically singled out and slaughtered six million human beings. Lenin and Stalin purged millions of small 'capitalist' landholders. Mau invoked the principle for the chaos of his Great Leap Forward in the Cultural Revolution. The 20th century was a century of competing ideologies, and behind all of them, the ultimate justifying norm for their egregious excesses, was PROGRESS. The West is no exception; a fifth column of 'PROGRESSIVES' wore the trappings of democracy and the Open Society while they fulminated against it.

For so long, social moralizers (ACTIVISTS) over what 'should be' have stood on soapboxes seeking to impose their conception of PROGRESS on society. As a whole, we have drunk the cool aid, and automatically think PROGRESS = (the) good. Let us reveal this wizard booming from behind the curtain for the ideological creation he is:

The concept of social progress was introduced in the early 19th century social theories, especially those of social evolutionists like Auguste Comte and Herbert Spencer. It was present in the Enlightenment's philosophies of history. As a goal, social progress has been advocated by varying realms of political ideologies with different theories on how it is to be achieved, ranging from socialists on the left to fascists on the right.

So the idea of progress itself is a contested topic, for as the Wikipedia quote mentions, it is theoretical. And is the theoretical empirically verifiable, and thus certain? No. Progress is an idea residing in the philosophy of history.

Let us consider the concrete definition of 'progress.'

Forward or onward movement towards a destination

If I said to you, here is point A, a slum, and here is point B, a confectionery factory; you could be forgiven for equating progress with betterment. But for all you know, perhaps the slum is the confectionery factory, and the confectionery factory is the slum. In this case, you would 'progress' toward the destination, but the end result would be a decline in your standard of well-being.

Because movement is a flow inducing state in human beings (the mental state of operation in which a person performing an activity is fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and enjoyment in the process of the activity), we confuse the 'kick' we get from the movement with the desirability of the end goal. Thus we are hugely susceptible to the suggestion progress toward a certain ordering of society is 'good.'

Problem is, progress is only a relative good, and by relative, I mean within the definitional ambit of points A and B. The goodness or wickedness of either (or both) of these points is wholly absent from the formal and logical meaning of progress. Yet those with ideological agendas have been to considerable pains to attach a persuasive connotative narrative progress is good absolutely because it is good relatively.

Weasel 'progress' is a highly dangerous idea, because it implies there's such a thing as a blue print of a good society. Yet, as epistemically limited beings, any claims are pure nonsense. The scary part is people start thinking they have the right to bring this illusory society to pass, and armed with their philosopher king arrogance, ride roughshod over everyone till they finally succeed in burning the house down.

Historian Neil Ferguson discusses Karl Popper's analysis of the idea of progress...

"Popper cast doubt on the possibility of establishing such laws of historical change, if by ‘law’ was meant a predictive statement analogous to the classical laws of physics. Popper’s point was simply that scientific methodology - the systematic testing of hypotheses by experimentation - could not be applied to the study of the past. Yet Popper’s rejection of determinism - what he rather confusingly called ‘historicism’ - did not imply a rejection of the notion of causation altogether. Popper accepted that events or trends really were caused by ‘initial conditions’. The critical point was that it was possible to have a causal explanation in history which did not depend on such a general statement or deductive certainty.

Collingwood had already distinguished between the Hempelian (or nomological) type of causal explanation and the ‘practical science’ type of explanation, in which a cause is ‘an event or state of things by producing or preventing which we can produce or prevent that whose cause it is said to be’. Here the best criterion for establishing a causal relationship was not the Hempelian covering law, but the so-called ‘but for’ or sine qua non test, applying the principle that ‘the effect cannot happen or exist unless the cause happens or exists’. Popper made the same point: ‘There are countless possible conditions; and in order to be able to examine these possibilities in our search for the true conditions of a trend, we have all the time to try to imagine conditions under which the trend in question would disappear.’ Indeed, Popper’s most telling charge against ‘historicists’ was their inability to ask such questions - ‘to imagine a change in the conditions of change’

Now let me coalesce things a bit here. Notice how in the top two illustration quotes above, there is an all but explicit insinuation from the beginning of time (another ideological idea!) humanity has been running up the pyramid of 'right' knowledge and socio-political organization. Alas, for the denizens of the esteemed pyramid, they are actually standing on the peak of Bullshit Mountain where the air gives way to breathable kool-aid.

And how do we come by these grand theories of historical progression toward a pre-ordained point of enlightenment (ie Utopia).

The first false idea is that we must justify our knowledge, or our theories, by positive reasons, that is, by reasons capable of establishing them, or at least of making them highly probable; at any rate, by better reasons than that they have so far withstood criticism. This idea implies, I suggest, that we must appeal to some ultimate or authoritative source of true knowledge; which still leaves open the character of that authority – whether it is human, like observation or reason, or super-human - Popper

When Popper mentions ‘some ultimate or authoritative source of knowledge’, he references the ultimate enemy of the open society – the archetype of the Platonic philosopher king. Plato, Popper held, believed society should be guided by a superior reason, hence the ‘philosopher king’. Philosopher kings errantly believe they have figured out the 'right blueprint' for society in a metaphysical arena fundamentally inimitable to empirical testing, the precursor of certainty.

When the quote above mentions "we are getting more tolerant, aware, accepting, and compassionate toward all sorts of differences", we see the destination towards which 'the inexorable progress" (there's no such causal mechanism in history as we've seen) will take us. And because the weasel definition of PROGRESS fools us into thinking movement between two points is tantamount to the goodness of the point to which we are moving, we feel compelled to accept the blueprint plucked out of non-empirical thin air by King Wacko I.

I have yet to deconstruct such politically correct weasel terms like 'difference', 'tolerance', and 'diversity', but suffice to say for now they are neutral descriptors at best. Tolerance, diversity, and 'difference' in society may be good or bad. That we should tolerate a certain group or set of behaviours, embrace disparate conceptions of civil life under one polity, or equally accept different value systems are contested subjects. The universe isn't pushing us toward one, and our claims for or against certain ideas are bounded by fundamental metaphysical uncertainty.

For example, I am currently writing a paper for a class on Middle Eastern Security Issues on the deleterious impact Arab civil society (or lack thereof) has on security issues and the democratic development of Arab states themselves. I would posit letting block groups of Arabs emigrate to a Western country would adversely affect that countries polity, in particular civil society. So I would proceed to make a value claim given these facts Western states should not tolerate this particular form of diversity or difference. You may disagree with me, and that would be a good thing. I will hardly lambaste you for setting yourself up as the all knowing philosopher king, then go ahead and follow suit. But what this scenario does illustrate is the society toward which we progress is up to, and most importantly, the destination will always be up for debate.

Once you allow a demagogue to set himself up as the philosopher king, you have violated the principle of the open society. Because now you allow the idea we can be certain beyond the line of demarcation where the empirical gives way the metaphysical, you have created the precedent for a monster. Yes, that's what will follow a weasel over the hill. A monster. Doesn't matter if the guy is proclaiming with absolutely certainty a relatively harmless all trees should be made of candy cane, you have set the precedent of the absolute for more radical 'humanitarian' to proclaim he is God and you should follow his dictates in all respects, up to and including purging society of undesirables. The open society is ruled by provisional truth, not absolute arguments or rhetorical articulations of morality.

The Activist's Mantra (with Pictures!)

378 views    posted 04 Jan 2015, 09:21    
Sometime ago I hastily wrote this little ditty on a blog of sumi's. Now I'm aware you can't polish a turd, but you can sprinkle glitter over it. So welcome to the 'new and improved' version.

You can read my thoughts on activists in prosaic form here. Really, though, the person the poem describes any know-it-all who's ever existed.

The Activist's Mantra (with Pictures!)


High on my soapbox far above you all
drinking my kool-aid UP like a tool
Rabble of the world, heed my words
which can also pass as Mr Bull's turds.


I know I'm the smartest, I know I'm the best
and mothaf**k ya'll if you think i'm a pest
I'm super special awesome, you're all my vassals
disagree? then have some sex and travel.


Sweet Righteous Indignation, take me baby please
Let my outrage build as I spread your knees,
I'll penetrate the problem, a process quite vital
if I want to come upon my own social idyll.


The people want bread? well how about moi?
The universe's self-appointed prophet, bra.
Bake them a cake with no strings at all
(small print - I'm your new god, fools).


Yes, I root out validation like frustrated wild boar
in fact you could call me a validation whore
I need my opinions, i need you to believe
before the big bad wolf blows my world to its knees.


"Beam me up, Scotty", yeah dat be what i said,
"into my logic proof Goosey Lucy shed.
The siege of reason can never touch me here
and there's enough poppycock to last for years."


The World through Kiwi Eyes

438 views    posted 03 Jan 2015, 09:20    

A place where we could chill with the bro squad (UK, Aussie, Canada, the US) and shoot at raghea.... I mean terrorists.


And you thought Kiwis were harmless...


See 'South Africa'.

Arab World

Makes brief but regular appearances of tv. Lots of angry people firing guns that don't look like hunting rifles in the air. Behind the Great Wall of Australia, kiwis care little for the pressing security concerns of great powers.


Have a rugby team called the Pumas. No one knows anything else about them except this.


The competition in the battle for being recognized as the real 'down under' people. They also have an irrational hatred of apples.


The motherland. We regularly school them in the game they themselves invented - Rugby. There's been talk in NZ of becoming a republic, but the women's magazines threatened a coup to keep us royal because they make so much money from Willie and Kate coming out here.


Dat royal ass!

Rest of England (Our political geography isn't great)

Scotland, Wales, Ireland...other people we beat at Rugby.


The Canadian don't play Rugby (much), are far from our borders, and thus exist for New Zealanders in much the same way Neverland does. We have a vague idea they are responsible for maple syrup, and tend to blame them when we buy a bottle of the sweet liquid which fails to live up to its promise of 'The Original...'


The next country the US will most likely get us in a war with.

Cricket Nations Who Don't Play Rugby As Well

The highly technical definition generated by our brightest political scientists for India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, West Indies, Sri Lanka.

The nasty EU (then the EEC) seduced Britain away from New Zealand food exports. Our sheep were devastated, became depressed, and started nervous shedding.


The only country small enough for New Zealand to bully.


Kiwi's love everything about France except the French. These bastards play rugby, and they play dirty. When the All Blacks suffered a tie with the French after a long winning streak a few decades ago, Buck Shelford told reporters the 'French were drinking something, and it wasn't orange juice.' Back in the day, before the TV cameras made the whole field of play visible, the All Blacks used to grab their balls and squeeeze during scrums. Although smacking of homoeroticism, it was actually an effective strategy which kept at bay the worst of the French excesses.

The French are also famous in New Zealand for testing their nuclear marbles in our back yard. Gotta love the French.


Something about Pizza and they also play Rugby.


Whale killers

South Africa

Home of Ghandi Mandela, and the Springbok (mortal enemies). Many South Africans live in New Zealand and tend to rub the poor timid kiwi birds the wrong way. The SA habit of directness confounds the kiwi on every level of his being. Just listen to our Prime Minster try to speak. He second guesses every sentence.

South America

New Zealanders, much like the minions from Despicable Me, love bananas. Banana riots break out whenever there's a hitch in supply. Most kiwis probably don't know bananas are imported from South America, so a benevolent mutual ignorance is the bedrock of our relations with the continent, except Argentina.


A New Zealander about to get lucky.


a holiday when you want to go one better than the batch.


People to whom you will never utter the phrase, 'sorry i didn't catch that...could you...'. The labour government banned their naughty nuclear boats in the 80's, and in response, Uncle Sam doesn't let the NZ navy dock at the military port in Hawaii (Even though the Japanese, who bombed the bloody place, are allowed to). One of our foreign minsters got on extremely well with condolezza rice .


Very sexy for their age...

So that's a wrap. As you will observe, most of our international thinking runs along the lines of Rugby and Cricket.
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